Mama. Nutritionist. Fitness Coach. Rad Human Being.
I met this inspiring, fun, hilarious and energetic soul, Bridgette Clare, at a passed Retreat, and I’m beyond thrilled I did. She’s amazing… funny, kind, motivating, strong + so much more, all at the same time. She is a mama to 2; daughter, Sade + son, Jabari, and this is her story.
CHALLENGES ON THE ROAD TO MOTHERHOOD
How far back do you want me to go? When I was a teenager I would get such bad periods that I begged BEGGED to have a hysterectomy, convinced I wouldn’t need to be pregnant, ever. Not that I didn’t want to be a momma necessarily, but that I didn’t need to be pregnant.
That didn’t happen, because, well...not really an elective surgery a 16 year old can decide on. Between then and my 30s I didn’t really think about it. It wasn’t until my 30s and after big conversation with my now husband that I fully knew I wanted to be a momma.
In 2015 we started “trying” to become biological parents. Feet up on the wall, no birth control, trying. Trying also included IUI and IVF treatments, which didn’t result in a pregnancy.
ADOPTION AGENCY
In 2016 we met with our adoption agency, Sunrise. And in 2017 we were matched with Sade’s birth mom, Jas, who had decided to place her unborn baby for adoption. In Sept 2017 we became a part of Jas’ adoption plan and in Mar 2018 Sade was born into this world. In 2018, we had the privilege and honor of Jas asking us to be a part of her adoption plan for Jabari, who was born May 2019.
I want to be super clear that while this reads like a timeline, that’s simply for context. The path to motherhood is rarely linear and we didn’t choose adoption because we couldn’t have “our own children”. We chose adoption as a way to create our family. We chose love of an extended family, which includes babies and birth family. It’s an option, not a last resort. And we’re tremendously blessed to be the family we are.
SURVIVAL TIPS FOR ALONG THE WAY
Ask for help. BUT be clear on what you want help with and ask for exactly that. If you want help with the dishes, don’t ask for help mopping the floor. And if you ask for help, let people do it their way. Just because it’s not done your way, don’t mean it isn’t right (*nods as she writes this, right.... good reminder) .
WORDS FOR PEOPLE WANTING TO BE PARENTS
Oh man, if you want to be a parent, you will be. The path to get there may not look how you thought it would. How or when you become a parent may not look how you thought, but if you see it, it’s meant for you.
support
People asking how they can help and legit doing that thing (see above). People want to help you. Even if that means doing the dishes.
redefining motherhood
TBH had to google the definition of “motherhood” (FYI it's defined as the experience of raising a child).
So here goes, the rule I follow is put that baby to bed. I’m a “sorry I can’t, that’s during nap time” kinda momma. And a “I’d LOVE to see you, want to come over between 4-630 so you can see Sade before she goes to bed?” kinda woman.
I would love to say I meditate and journal, which I do every now and again and know that doing that more will revolutionize my life (*nods again, like, yes, just do it) but in reality I have a coffee in the AM and am very committed to my evening skin care routine
-Bridgette Clare
Sidenote: if you’re reading this and curious about adoption language, please check out Macie at https://www.adoptwell.com/